Long Weekends

Wednesday after work, finally made up my mind to see the doctor..

Queue was long as usual...

Queued at the clinic from 6:25pm+(opened at 6:30pm) and only got to see the doctor at around 7:15pm...
The diagnostics and verdict of the doctor was:
1. My immune system very lousy
2. Are you under stress

All these cause I went to see him on friday to get medicine and even after finishing, I am still sick, and more sick.

So my Thursday was MC and Friday was on leave cause initially going Medan but trip cancelled.

Saturday my dad vommitted blood again, at around 8 plus at nite after his meals.
Thank god that He and me was at home, if not noone will discover that.

So down to the hospital again we went, and stayed in A&E for around 1 hr plus before they finally managed to get hold of a gastro doctor for my dad.

This time round he didnt vomit that much blood, mabbe 3-4 packets.

Sunday I did something most stupid in my life.
The stupidest thing and I seemed to be still hurting from it till now.

We finally had a good chat on Monday ...
We duno where to go.
Duno wad to do with us.

I hope I dun have tears.
Hope I dun have a heart.

Why can ppl live so happili and get married.
Why can ppl stay together so happili.

He asked me if I am happy with him.
He asked me to see the mirror and see if I am happi.
He told me not to anyhow think.

I told him I am happy with him.
I told him if I am the only one holding on, I would let go.
I told him, not to worry about me.
I told him the last love I could give him was to let go.

He told me he dun wan to lose me.
He told me he wan to try.

Will we ever be happy or have a happy ending?
Are we trying too hard?

I really duno how, though options are open in front of me, so clearly.
I lost the interest to do anything now.
I just want to decide on a path and stick to it.

I really duno what I was scared of, what I was thinking of.
I wanna let go if that could make him more happier.
But I dun wanna let go cause I love him, and I am willingly to go an extend for him.
I understand sometimes love means letting go and seeing the other party happy.
I understand so many things.

I need advices and a very strong me.
This is the most difficult and fragile time.
If we manage to pass it, then we'll be happi isnt it?