Year 2009

I only have one resolution for year 2009.

That is to be stronger and be more positive.

I hope i can hang on.

Sinful Day

23rd December 2008 - Tuesday

Had the most sinful stuffs today.

Due to Marjor being sick, I took her place for her team lunch buffet @ Regent Hotel...cause its 3 for 1 and a total of 8 people can go...Her boss not wanting to waste the place, invited me to go...

We were given a room and was stunt. Very posh and nice anyway. I only took one photo with Susen. The rest she take =.="

Verdict of the food : Not bad...I like the Cod Fish...The prawns not bad also...a lot of cheese around...and yum yum cream cheese log cake...yummy tiramisu etc etc :)~

After buffet went Tanglin Mall shop shop..bought 3 last minute pressie for babies...

Reached back office already 3 plus...

Then at 4 went swimming with Susen but was called up by the guard...

Initially thought was raining, but it was cause of a sign we didnt see. "Swimming pool under maintainence" -_____-"

So after swim 1 lap...spend more time on bathing instead...

At night went over to Wai house for steamboat.

Was supposed to be on X'mas eve but due to unforesee circumstances, her mom came sg to find her, it was being pushed forward.

Anyway some pictures..I dun feel like typing already.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Christmas Christmas !!

My Christmas Pressie...

From Pei to us:

From Chrispy, YJ, Marjor, Susen
Lastly by me ;b

Without them, I really dunno where I will be...

:)

My beloved colleagues...

My mommy told me...

I've changed for the better ever since my daddy passed away.
She's happy with it.

As for me?
I duno.

Was browsing through my past photos and saw this:

I think i look so mature in this photo...

Old already ..though it is taken few years ago...

*cry*

Am currently on medication again...
2 in the morning, 3 at night.

How I wish you can hear me and my prayers God.

Johnson & Johnson Loots...

Need to say more?

Mask at 20 bucks...Oil Control Film @ 3 for 9 bucks...Wipes @ 2 for 3 bucks.

:)

All Good Things (Come To An End) - Nelly Furtado

Honestly what will become of me
don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is dandy
We are what we don't see
Missed everything daydreaming

[Chorus:]
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?

Traveling I only stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets in and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?

Well the dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could
Dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could
Die die die die die

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?

Well the dogs were barking at a new moon
Whistling a new tune
Hoping it would come soon
And the sun was wondering if it should stay away for a day
'til the feeling went away
And the sky was falling on the clouds were dropping and
the rain forgot how to bring salvation
the dogs were barking at the new moon
Whistling a new tune
Hoping it would come soon so that they could die.

Tiring Last Week...

Been quite a long time since I blog...
Anyway here's a not so up-to-date post...

Somewhere around last last week...celebrating Colleague's birthday @ Plaza Market Buffet at Raffles...

Snow White and 7 Dwarf...2 missing though

Everyone was amazingly in purple and black...without discussing beforehand.. :)

The following day in office, we prepared a surprise for both the birthday gals...
And we went Kbox @ Clementi to celebrate...during lunch XD

Birthday Gals

Colleague Buddies

Last week, from Monday to Thursday, I'm swimming everyday except Friday...
Saturday morning and afternoon, went Pulau Ubin with my Jie Jie and Jie Fu and we cycled for few hours there.
Sun was initially very bright till the last trek, it rained and poured heavily, causing us to be drenched.
After everything, in the evening, I went to JB with Jason and Wai Wai to meet Mingli, Samuel and Xin Min.
We were brought to a steamboat to makan since there was a lack of time.
After the steamboat, we head over to Justco RedBox to have our ktv.
Verdict: I still prefer Singapore Ktv because their's don't have choose by song...mainly by artist only...and there's no picture one..
But for food and drinks wise, their's was a lot more better than Singapore.

MingLi & Samuel

Everyone

Reached home around 4 am++ due to causeway jam again...Was in the jam for a bloody 1hr plus and trying so hard to keep myself awake.

On Sunday, due to previous night...I can't wake up for tennis as planned by my Jie Fu...Ended up going to Sitex IT fair at Singapore Expo and also the John Little Expo Sales..

BUT...I bought nothing. Due to the large amount of people. The 3 entrances of the Expo was jammed. Even till evening time. Took the chance to go Dua Pek Gong and met Daphne there.

Had a dinner then went explore Marina Barriage with Jason. Pass a lot of "想当年"...

I guess I really miss it so much.And it seems like everywhere I go, I can't seem to detach myself from that shadow.

-wishin

Something that puzzles me, is the existence of gods in this world and karma.
Recently, so much things happen to me and my family, so much that I am really so tired and lost.
My grandfather also passed away shortly after my dad.
Though I am not always with my grandfather and the bond is not that strong, he is still someone that love me and my family very much.
He got involved in an accident that caused him to lose his life straight on the spot.

Then comes the question:
He is not a bad person, why does he have to die this way?

And the only logical answer is:
Karma.

Apparently all those unexplainable are being explained with karma, the cause and effect of life.
So others might question again, but I saw people who didnt do any wrong/bad things get very bad/horrible ending.
The answer to it will be: the life before or last time long long ago their bad karma, in which they don't remember.
So can anyone enlighten me if it is true?

I once asked my mother's "small" master, a monk. If god exist, then why so many of the people are still suffering?
I forgot the whole exact answer, but part of it was that, "If you hope for something, you will suffer."
I told Wai wai over the phone on Wednesday when she called me up and ask about how am I coping.
She was saying that it's chim.

There's another saying, "Everything happens for a reason"
I suppose all these might be just excuses, reasons or even consolations to people.
Till the day when it all dawn to me on the reason, then I'll know the truth.

I forget to mention, I dreamt of his house this time.
Went his house with my family.
Saw on the table a sentosa box which contains a fan.
Sense of familiarity overwhelmed me as the fan is the fan we got when we went Sentosa last time.
A thought flew pass, that he had packed all the stuffs regarding us outside.

如果。。。

对今年的中秋节感到好难过。。。
中秋节因该有团圆的意思吧。。。
可是今年的中秋节，根本都不团圆，根本都不美满。

Random

Last Saturday was spend in Bugis, with my sister and her husband.
The initial plan was to fix up a computer from sim lim square as my sister's husband computer was spoilt.
We went to Guan Yin Temple @ Si Ma Lu first and went in to pray.
After praying, we proceed to Sim Lim Square, where we bought nothing but more Wii stuffs.
A 16 or 8 in 1 remote charger cum cooler set. And not forgetting the very expensive Rock Band Set.
The Rock Band set consist of 1 guitar, 1 drum set and a microphone and not forgetting the Rock Band Wii Disc.
Whole day was spend on playing that.

Sunday was spend with my sister and her hubby again. Reason being I don't want to be left alone in the house as my mom went out to her Faxi in the morning.
Went my sister's house to play Cooking Mama for a while and then went out with them to Lucky's Groomer place.
Saw a few Westie over there that looks like Lucky, Febi, Snowy etc.
Went for lunch while we waited for Lucky to be groomed.
After which went to try the chocolate ice cream from awfully chocolate. Not bad.
After picking up Lucky, my sister they wanted to get a certification for Lucky at the clinic but we spend quite long waiting till we ran out of patience.
We left for home.
I took a nap while my sister and sister hubby went home to her hubby's mom side.
After they came back, I tag along to go for foot reflexology at Westmall.
My first time going, not bad I would say.
Then after which we went home and asked my mom to come my sister house where she play the drum also.

Monday I was on leave. Accompany my mom to buy bee hoon for my daddy's breakfast.
Then in the afternoon, accompanied her to daddy's company. My daddy's company another stakeholder, ah zhi uncle was there. Sitting in my daddy's office, I was amazed and proud of my daddy all of the sudden.
It wasnt easy to start with nothing and end up with something.
Saw a picture of daddy with the Japanese boss taken quite some time ago.
Ah Zhi uncle chatted with mom in the office.
It's just like entering daddy's world.
And ya, it makes me miss him.
I dreamt of Mr Z yesterday.
It's a weird dream. In my dream, I ate something that consist of pork. I can even feel that it taste weird.
What happen in my dream was more weird.
It seems that he wanted to be together again, and asked me about it.
After driving me home, I wanted to sms him saying that I dun need any pity etc but I woke up.

*My sister made a remark about the divination lot from Guan Yin Temple. She said that it's very accurate. As far as I am concerned, I do hope it is real, but I am so afraid...so afraid of the disappointments. Please God, let me believe in your existence.*

What goes around comes around,
What goes up must come down

I dreamt of going overseas to study...
This time round, its Japan...
It's with 2 couples...
And we are looking at Kimonos...which look so familiar to me...
And also, at oil paintings that look amazingly familiar to me too...
But I have no idea...
No idea where I see them before...
No idea at all...

Am I really full of hatred like what Bambee said?

Goodbye w910i

And so...
It just took me less than 1 hour...to trade-in this phone which is full of memories for me.
I first got this phone few months ago, given by someone who I really love, but in the end left me for another girl and wanna lie to me about it...
I was still hesitating when I was at the counter with my sister and her husband.
I asked them , issit bad?People gave me this phone not more than a few months and I just trade it in.
They both support me and say its not bad...after all, broke up already, why bother.
My mom said the same thing too...trade it in...no point and since it always go "hospital"
And in less than 1 hour, I traded it in for 200 bucks at Singtel.

Bye bye my dearest phone...

Ta-dah...!

This is my beloved phone now...yap yap..iphone 3G...

Love it to the core...

My 1st PDA kind of phone... :)

What happen on Saturday was that...My sister bought this phone and since we have the reservation paper, I decided to purchase this phone too...
And then when queueing up, my sister's hubby asked my sister to purchase one more for him.
Reason?Cause he find it weird that we both buy and he didnt.HAHA
So in the end, 3 of us are proud and happy owners of iPhone 3G!
My mom wanted to buy aso coz of the handwriting function(Chinese)

On the other note, I was quite sad and hurt when I saw my mom crying on Sunday Night.
Reason was that, she was feeling kinda sad and disappointed over my bro and she was feeling sorry for my dad for having such a son.
*sigh*
I made an agreement with someone over something.
We'll see if it comes true.
We'll see...

Luv,
wishin

Sutra of Bodhisattva Ksitigarbha's Fundamental Vows

I read the Sutra of Bodhisattva Ksitigarbha's Fundamental Vows again yesterday.
It's an english translated version of the 地藏王菩萨经.
Those interested can go to this link: Sutra of Bodhisattva Ksitigarbha's Fundamental Vows

The reason why I will go read up on these sutras and books is simple,
1. They are the only books that will bring me peace, let me think of nothing when I read them.
2. They are actually stories of the buddha, not as boring and not something I don't understand.
3. I love myths and legends.
4. I am curious about how all these stuffs come about.

Yesterday I was reading a part talking about demons.
It seems to answer one of my curiousity last time.
Remember shows always show that demons are very scared of those amulets on the doors, scared of tailsman etc?
While reading the sutra, a part of it was talking about this.
Apparently, these so call "demons", other then giving out punishments to evil doers, they also help out the good ppl.
If they see tailsmen or amulets on the doors of the house, they will tend to leave the house alone, or even protect them, because that family is doing
good(Remembering buddha, god) and that little amount of effort of praying and remembering god is enough to keep the demons away.

Anyway, other than this, I also thought of something else, that is about vegetarians.
I used to think, these people are weird, why they so picky etc.
However, for 49 days, since my dad pass away, we are required/asked to eat vegetarian for him.
Purpose is to add fu for him. Accumulate good karmas for him.
Is it only till this time that it suddenly dawned to me.
Can you imagine, if the world is not as advanced now...
if we are required to find our own food and cook them and eat them, how many of you will be able to or bear to kill/slaughter an animal by urself to cook them and to eat them?
Of course I dun deny that vegetables are from plants and plants have life too, but I guess the sins are not greater than that of animals?

我真的真的感到好累。。。
对这个无情，充满痛苦的世界感到好累好累。。
好希望，好想念。。

I've been dreaming ...
so many dreams in one day...
and I kept dreamt of him... and I also dream of that girl once...
I really wonder why...

I wan dream of my daddy...

有求必苦

Wednesday night I dreamt of an altar and he was there, with his sister, praying and I was there too, praying...
Was quite curious about who was dead as I have totally no idea.

心经

观自在菩萨，行深般若波罗蜜多时，
照见五蕴皆空，度一切苦厄。
舍利子,色不异空,空不异色；
色即是空,空即是色。
受、想、行、识，亦复如是。
舍利子，是诸法空相：不生、不灭；不垢、不净；不增、不减。
是故空中无色。
无受、想、行、识；无眼、耳、鼻、舌、身、意；无色、香、声、味、触、法。
无眼界，乃至无意识界；无无明，亦无无明尽；乃至无老死，亦无老死尽。
无苦、集、灭、道。
无智亦无得，以无所得故。菩提萨捶，依般若波罗蜜多故。
心无挂碍，无挂碍故。
无有恐怖，远离颠倒梦想、究竟涅磐。三世诸佛，依般若波罗蜜多故。
得阿耨多罗三藐三菩提。
故知般若波罗蜜多，是大神咒，是大明咒，是无上咒，是无等等咒。
能除一切苦，真实不虚。
故说般若波罗蜜多咒，即说咒曰：“揭谛！揭谛！波罗揭谛！波罗僧揭谛！菩提萨婆诃！”

Where do people go when they die?

As above...
That's my question...

These few days, it kept me wondering...where's my daddy?
Noone dreamt of him.
Not my family.

What's life?
We are all living in a dream and when we pass away, we woke up from that dream isn't it?
I am still waiting to dream of my dad every night.
So hope that he will tell me, tell us, where is he now..

How I wish, we know where you are.

Daddy, I miss you

i miss my daddy, yet i'm scared.

Everything seems to pass by so fast...
Just few months ago, everything was still alright...
Within these few months, everything change.

Everything.

On the 7th day, I actually dreamt of something else instead of my daddy.
I dreamt of him, dreamt of my sis.

And guess what...
The first day back to work, I've forgotten to bring my cupboard key.

I've totally no mood to work.

I didnt dream of anything today...

Been eating books these days...

+ You reap what you sow +

Please, let me have more hope and faith in everything and anything...
Please, let me know that you exists.

My dream.

I dreamt of his family just now.
In my dreams, his 2 sisters are present.
The younger one seems to be sitting on a chair, hands on the table(like bar counter), with his other cousins.
She got smile and acknowledge my presence.
As for the older one, I went over to have a chat with her.
She was telling me he seems happier now.
Saying that this girl like suits him more etc.
Oh ya, in my dreams, there is this "ghost" that always seem to be appearing in the toilet, causing me dun dare to go toilet.

What does this means?
I duno.

Quiz

Quiz got from Gina then Jessica blog.

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

How true issit?I dunnoe.

I dreamt of my birthday just now.
I dreamt of HF, Justina.
Justina gave me a cake which is very nice, cost quite a lot I think.
The cost is being shared by everyone.

Meanwhile, daddy had been discharge from Hospital on Saturday.
His condition is not getting any better.
Diabetics cause his vision to be blur, something cause him to become a bit blur and memory to be shorter and shorter.
My family is still okay, staying positive, and I'm doing my very best to be a filial daughter.

Went Guan Yin Temple last week and got a lot. It's a good lot but i'm not very sure if it will come true.It scares me though.

Broke down infront of my mommy yesterday...
I can't control.
Had a chat with my brother yesterday too.
Thanks to him, I felt somehow better.

Am still learning how to let go.
This is the suckiest peroid of my life.
I so hope that it will be over very soon.
And I do wonder, do you really exist?

My brother say I am pouring salt on open wounds.
My mom say I very silly.

I totally agree with them.
I so hope something can happen to make mi move on faster.
What thing I duno.
Can you hear me?

Weird Weird Dream

I dreamt my family went Genting with my brother...

My sister and I look through his bag to found a lot of books, that looks weird, like those buddha books.
There's also a packet of cigarette and camera.
Oh ya, I forgot to mention..He gave me a lot of stuffs for my birthday present I think.
All the items was in a box.
And it was so thoughtful that I felt a wave of happiness.

Dreamt that my Real life brother even wanna see who he is.
Then he also approach him to ask him change the SD card to 5 GB for him.

Weird dream.
I duno wad I m thinking.
Woke up thinkin that it should be a Saturday today, but nope, it's not.

It's still a Friday.

Everyone moves forward, no one should stay where they are or move backwards.

It isn't easy, and it isn't up to us to make our choices.

Yesterday my father wanted to request to transfer to NCC for his treatment.
Me and my sister was telling him the trouble as he also need to see SGH doctor for his Liver Cirrhosis treatment.
The time might be longer, I mean waiting time for medicine, treatment etc..So much longer.
And the reason is cause of?
Money.
Actually I'm not really sure of the financial side of my family if they still have enough money a not, in which I believe have.
But well, I still give my household money etc.

Just this morning, saw offline MSN messages left by zhishi, after which I msned him in the morning when he online.
Funny, the way he describe his ex.
But well, at least I felt good after msning with him.
Yesterday also went dinner with Alfred.
Thanks to them, who keep try to keep me busy by asking me out for activities with them.
We went Dempsey Road coz I wanna go PS Cafe.
Spend quite a while to find PS Cafe.
Conclusion: There a lot ang mohs and rich people.

Anyway, it's quite boring right?posts without pics, photos...
Didnt really take any photos these days...
I think my highlight "drop" color already.
I think I need to go temple very very soon.

Jia you...

The ultimate question

One of the question that I always fail to answer and have an answer to.

"What do I really enjoy doing?"

I miss the past, the memories, the times when I am truely happy and I hope things will improve more fast and maybe for a miracle that don't and won't happen.

But well, sometimes, it's not that harmful to dream a little right?

Had a weird dream today.

I dreamt that I was in his ex's car, apparently being fetched by her.
I asked her if she know we broke up.
She nodded.
I continued to say,"wow, news spread fast, i thought you duno."
She smiled at me.

Then her phone rang and she pick up, answering questions about buying a house at Jurong West.
Then she ended off the call with something like,"ok find one day I teach/tell you."
Then I ask her about price of a HDB is Jurong now.
"Ard 387k".She told me.
"Wah so expensive?last time my colleague buy only 220k like that". I replied
"Yah, now become more expensive le".She replied.

Then we reach the destination in which i duno where.
And I woke up while I alight her car and she waited for her fren to come take the car.

On the other hand, a short update.
Friday caught Dark Knight with Jason cause I got free tickets sponsored by my colleague.
Nice and long movie I would say.

On Saturday, I didnt go temple. Didnt meet Dap or Alfred.
End up going in Msia again with Jason and his GF, Yan Yan.
Had a sumptuous seafood dinner...and of coz, long jam in...
Crayfish, crab, stingray, you tiao, and vegetables.
All for ard SGD15-20 per pax.

Sunday I didnt go anywhere except Jurong IMM for lunch with Alfred.
Had lunch at Ichiban Boshi where after eating, I realise there's a tiny little snail crawling on the lettuce of the softshell crab I ate.
Yucks.
Been thinkin wan to get a Desktop a not.
*Sighx*

Been feeling so depressed these days.
My mom ask me yesterday, "He got other girl le issit?"
I replied her, "Ya"
"He also like your bro lor, 2 time."My mom say again
"Think so, impossible so fast will get GF one lor..."I said.
I not typing out the rest of the conversation already.
My mom say ppl enjoying and happy there and you sad here...

Wad are faith and belief?
Dear God,
Please, if you really exist, help me.

-wishin

AM AND IS GOING CRAZY VERY SOON...

THE EMOTIONS INSIDE...
THE MEMORIES WITHIN...

IS THERE A BUTTON TO CLICK AND FORGET?!

I JUST WANNA BE HAPPI...

Went back to the place you brought me to the first time yesterday...
Except that I went in from the exit instead of the entrance this time.

The place looks the same, except the red red skies...
The toads no longer croak, for duno wad reasons...

Read through my past blogs, past entries on you , on him...
I felt a very serious strong sense of guilt.
He treated me so well...Really so well...
Yet I let him down, hurt him over and over again...
Nights when I'm enjoying, suffering, he's always by my side...constantly taking care of me...

You told me..."This is the picture of the one who treats you the best in this world".
I guess, he is also the one that treats me the best...

And sooner or later...I'll be like him, with another half happily right?

And pardon me for this lousy post, feelin very emo..

Outdated Posts...

Some of the long long time pictures...

Celebrating Daphne, my ex-housemate birthday at Partyworld International Plaza...

Hope that she will stay happy forever...

Wednesday went to catch the movie, "The Strangers" at Plaza Singapura.

Verdict:Suxs...Lamest show ever...dun ever go watch...

Then after which went to Dua Pek Gong to pray...

Friday another movie day...

Went to catch the movie, "Red Cliff" at Plaza Singapura again...

Verdict: a bit disappointed coz it still have a part 2 when it reaches the most peak of the show...

After that we had a meal at Great World Plaza opposite...then home sweet home ...

Reach home ard 4:00am in the morning..tired, thus fell aslp...

The next day, Saturday...accompany Jason wash car under my void deck in the afternoon...

Was awaken by my sister's voice in the morning...ok..noon...Thus i woke up and go get my stuffs...RL and coach baggies XD

Then in the evening time, we went in JB to find Mingli and Samuel at night.

As usual, they brought us to makan...then wanted to go Redbox but was fully booked, thus we ended up go Denga Bay drink...and slack..

Us~

Reached home ard 4:30++am again...after sending Justina, Wai wai home...Tired...

Still stuck in the music, "My hump my hump my hump..."

*I hope you'll be happy forever, and forever have no end*

JB

Had a JB trip yesterday.
Basically stuck in the jam for 1hr plus...

It was a last minute decision, and we entered Malaysia without even the entry fee of RM 2.90.
Spent 0.90cents ringgit and 2 bucks SGD in the end.

Spend i think more than 30mins - 1 hr venturing around JB...looking for place...
and all I know is Kota Tinggi.
Finally found the wash car place...then went to wash car...
Left the car there..then went to eat Ayam Bakar and the japalang food.
We ate till quite late as it was quite full house there...

After collecting the car, was suppose to go dua pek gong...but last minute got things cropped up, thus I was being sent home.
However, a less than 30mins journey became 1hr++ journey again when we got lost again.
Woodlands -> Toa Payoh -> Yishun and finally back to my hse.
-___-"

What a memorable and exciting day.

Was laughing away when someone tell mi in a very happy manner, wah my dashboard so clean already!!
It always take a little bit of stuffs to make pple happi isnt it?
:D

On the bad end, I am starting to lose more n more faith with guys.
All around me, guys are showing their true forms.
Sexual Harrassment, unfaithfulness and etc.

-wishin

Nice night for jogging again yesterday.

Location: Chinese Garden

Though having stitches here and there, but overall the run was good.

Read in a book saying that exercise makes one happy.
No wonder I felt so happy everytime after I finish jogging.

I am feeling very determined to see the world.
But but...
yah..It's time to beautify my resume even more and start practising my interview.

I hope I can do it successfully.

-wishin

Life's little tricks

Did something challenging yesterday till i gave up.

Haha.

How many of you are able to really keep your mind clear of anything or everything and just stone there?

Well, I can't for more than 5 mins.

Or maybe coz I was lying on my bed that's why, maybe coz of all the talking.
Kept hear my family talking, music from here and there.

Shall try again very soon. :D

-wishin

Had an enjoyable run yesterday night at Chinese Garden.

After which supper.

So that brings all the fats back to me again.

Boo.

Another week passed in a wink of eye.

This week had been quite packed with activities, I would say too many...
Monday and Thursday was the only resting time I had for myself.

Tuesday went out for dinner and pubbing.
Wednesday KTVing.
Friday dinner, dinner and dinner.
Saturday movie, home, dou feng, home.
Sunday KTVing, dinner, home.

And here we are, into a new week.
And July is coming, need to get down to Dua Pek Gong soon.

The amazing stuffs that happened to me this week:
1. On the train, while reading my book, teaching of buddha, an old lady sitting next to me was co-reading it too. Thus I actually slow down reading, open the book wider so that she could read. Upon reaching Raffles Place, she asked me, "Is this Raffles Place?". I replied to her, "Ya". The next sentence she said before leaving the train was, "Anyway thanks for sharing. The book is very good". To be honest, I actually wanted to give her the book, as I've already finished reading it, and is only re-reading it.
2. While walking along CityLink, Winnie saw me and called me. Saw once is not something amazing, but at evening time, she saw me again at Muji Marina Square.
3. I am hooked up to books and books and I actually borrowed 8 from the library.
4. Someone actually tell me that I look very Qiao Cui and tired and asked if I'm alright.
5. Chatting makes mi understand another person, makes mi realise a lot more to life.
6. The reason why I am feeling so sucky or sad for no reason is actually ->Self pity.
7. I actually managed to live through 1 month :)
8. I made 3 new friends on Sunday.

I miss everyone.
Am sorry to made you all worry for me.
I am still trying to stand up and be happy.
And to be honest, I am 50% there. :)

* To err is human, to forget is divine *

~* wishin *~

Yesterday over a chat with someone...

"Last time you scold her"

"Got meh?I really scold her?"

"Yah, she told me one"

"oh...no wonder"

my no wonder comes from...

no wonder I got "scolded" back by ppl that time.

What a karmatic world, that is, if that word exists...

And someone said, I'm more mature compare to last time.

-wishin

Loves Red...

Did this to my hair like weeks ago..in fact the 2nd or 3rd wk after I broke up.

First time I dye hair.

But its not dye, its highlight.

Wanted blue and red intially, but didnt go ahead with it.

Took a lot of courage to highlight it red.

But well, at least a step out.

Doing things that I dun dare.

I love red.

Does it look like it's bleeding? =.="

Anyway recently tok to mr Kerry, my long long time RO fren, who came to SG few months ago and I met him once.

He was telling me guys are jerks coz apparently he had a change of heart for his colleague over a 4yr relationship.

Sighx.

What are guys made of?

And that brings us back to one point isnt it?

Don't ever use feelings in a relationship, use ur brain.

And oh ya, I've been seeing karmas happening around me, till I was so much convinced and scared of it.

haha.

I guess maybe my past life was a drifter, a travellor as I have frens that are not within my area.

No idea.

I only know last life I did too much sinful stuffs, to get myself like this now.

*I just pray for happiness for everyone, and hope that one day, my wishes* will come true.*

-wishin

I dun really know what I should think now.

Should I based my thinking on how I feel, on the you that I used to know, the someone who is so faithful and not flowerhearted..

OR

Should I based my thinking on what you told me?

But what all of them told me was so true, So what if it's true or not?

The conclusion of it was so simple and clear, that he wanted a clear cut.

Well, I guess at least I am not weird, as someone out there actually understands that what I maybe needed was a definite answer for me to close this case.

Just a little tiny updates on life...

Thursday went out with my dearest colleague, mdm wah.
She actually skip her OT and accompany me KTV.
Yes...accompany me vent the sadness out all that...Just me and her.

Friday went out with a common fren of ours whom I had not seen for long...
Went KTV again..
Learnt quite a lot from him..
And was surprised with his changes.
Other than that, had a happy time singing KTV with him, especially the last part.

Saturday was meeting Daphne for going guan yin temple, but she Friday midnight around 3am++ sms me saying that she last minute can't go and I saw it after some time on Saturday, thus I try to ask people to accompany me go.
Winn wasnt free and Alfred was free to meet after his lunch with his boss.
Thus I went to pray first.
Drew 3 lots this time again.
The questions I asked and the answers I got back.
Am I not accepting the lots or issit that I really dun understand?
No idea.
After praying, went Sim Lim Square to walk walk and see Portable Hard Disk.
Wanted to buy some stuff as my hands was itchy, but did not get any though.

After Sim Lim Square, we proceed to Bukit Panjang Plaza to get some stuffs at NTUC.
Bought some munchies and then went home.
Topic on the car was Foreign Exchange.
I want to earn money.

After going home, I forgot what I do, all the way till night time.
I hand itchy on the computer and check stuffs again.
Saw the girl's testimonial.
A guy left for her saying that she's in love.
Oh well.
I on my MSN and saw Zen online.
Thus went to MSN him to see if he's free for come out to chat.
Of course, I got ask him notify his GF.
Dont want his GF to get the wrong meaning.

I asked him to bring mi to Mt Faber.
And I finally went back to the seat.Our seat.
Everything looks the same.
But I so hope that the person beside me was him.

Stood there for a few seconds, noticing the atmosphere was weird, we proceed to The Hill for a drink.
The Hill is under The Jewel Box.
And the drinks and food were so dam expensive...
I had a alcoholic milk shake(peppermint and baileys) for 19.90? and he ordered 2 plates finger food + orange juice and the total came up to ard 65++.
We managed to chat quite a lot, and from the initial awkwardness, we manage to break the awkwardness.
Advices were being told and I somehow know that he's very happy now with his life, and I'm very happy for him. This should means letting go I guess.
Wishing the party happiness.I hope I can do it again.
Oh ya, part of the chat was abt Forex again.
Told you I'm interested in earning money.
I'm interested in adult games now and not gaming le.
I also want to pick up my music back and lots more.

Sunday was a slacking day, spent sleeping away.
Had a chat with mommy at night.
Nice one, was asking her life's logic.
Haha..and her life story.
Felt more better as I initially was feeling quite bad alone in the room, anyhow tinking.

I think that's it ba.
I dun really know what to think.
Maybe he was right, what I wanted was just an answer to close this case, and not the hope of getting back together.
Maybe he was right, what was said was so clear already that he wunt want back.
Nevertheless, I guess I can't hate a person, not the past, not currently and not in the future.
Thus I'll only wish him happiness, be it with that girl or without.
As for me, let me just continue to ponder till I'm tired and had completely no energy left.

And yes, writing out do makes me feel a little bit better.
At least I have the courage to listen to songs again.

-wishin

I guess, all the karma had been returned.

Everything I've done to my 1st ex last time had been returned to me finally.

That is what I am hoping for.

I used to love a guy that don't love me at all.
Karma gave me a guy who love mi wholeheartedly.

I used to hurt the guy who loved me wholeheartedly and fall for another guy.
Karma gave me a guy who I love deeply.

Now Karma return me with this guy having another GF and hurting me like hell, like how I hurt my 1st.

I will stand up soon.
Don't doubt karma.

Excuses, lies and hurt.
I guess all are so true.
All that was said was just to make him feel like he's a good man.
I believe I will do it.
Forget this jerk and move on with my live.

Lucky for me, still having my frens, my brother, my family there to support me.

I wan to meet someone who loves me and will settle down with me now, after meeting the one I love, the one who loves me.

I feel like running away from everything and anything...
What's there to run away from? I don't know seriously.
Maybe one word can describe me now, >L.O.S.T<

Yes, call me weak, I dont deny.
Call me strong, I also dont deny.
The stress is just building up within me.
The behaviours I saw around me, sometimes do makes me wonder, what's really worth living for in this world.

"You need to be strong, only you can help yourself."
"Time will heal everything"
All these I know, all these I am aware, but is there anyone out there that is aware of what I am going through?
Not only the break up is causing me to be like this, there's a lot more issue that is.

And yes, I am a pessimistic.
I am contradictating.
I am nothing.

Maybe for once, I should be selfish and get away from this land as soon as possible. Be it alone or with ppl.
What a nice world.

Had a very nice rest yesterday...so nice...
Been such a long time since i had such a long rest.
But why did i need to wake up?

"Which ones are stars and which ones are satelittes?"
"Those that will sparkle are stars...Coz twinkle twinkle little stars"
"..."

I guess I need to be more prepared to hear more bad news.
I guess I need to forget some part of my life.
I guess, and I guess..
I am really not myself anymore.

Dont really know who am I and what I want anymore.

I need a dimension to hide for the rest of my life.

- wishin

someone always nvr fails...to make mi sad with one sentence that was heard.

"why you n he the same ask mi intro ppl to you"

but somethin true is tat, nth said was wrong as we're nobody anymore.

Real Fortunate or Trying to Sound Like?

I have a very fortunate life...

Being surrounded by support and love from frenz...almost 24/7...

I told myself something on last Friday when I finally realised my limits

I wont tell you guys wad issit, but those who spoke to me before should know.

Anyway recently I got in contact with Mr LKS again.

Who is he?

He is someone I used to love so much, but end up is a cheater and he got together with my good fren who I always tok to.

Guess what's the funny thing?

I blocked him in MSN for 4 years long.

That day I was thinking that he should had deleted me again from his MSN, but was quite shocked to see him online.

He was shocked to see me msn him too cause he thought I wont unblock him already.

We chat on and off, but these few days he was not online though.

The question should be,"Do i miss him?"

The answer is, "Yes"

But the feeling was so weird, someone so close yet so far to me.

Someone also asked me, between ur 1st and this one, who you like more or which one you love more?

I got the answer, but I'll never tell anyone.

And i'll never tell anyone...

What's my condition now?

Lost.

I can go out with my fren to the toilet, and when come out, i stare at him for 10-20s wondering if he is my fren.

I tink I seriously dunno what's my sub conscious is thinkin.

Anyway its a Friday.

Please god, if you can, return me to me.

*Am waiting for the return karma, there should be another part that I need to return, not only this.*

Good Girls Gone Bad - Rihanna

We stay moving around, solo
Ask us where you at, we don't know
And don't care (don't care)
All we know is we was at home cause you left us there
You got your boys and got gone
And left us all alone
Now she in the club with a freaky dress on
Cats don't want her to keep that dress on
Trying to get enough drinks in her system
Take it to the tele and make her a victim
Patron on brain, ball play you in the face
They shake the spot, she's just another case

[Chorus]
Easy for a good girl to go bad
And once we gone (gone)
Best believe we've gone forever
Don't be the reason
Don't be the reason
You better learn how to treat us right
'Cause once a good girl goes bad
We gone forever

He's staying with a flock of them, oh, yeah
Got a girl at home but he don't care
Won't care (won't care)
All he'll do is keep me at home, won't let me go nowhere
He thinks because I'm at home I won't be getting it on
And now I'm finding numbers in the jacket pockets
Chicks calling the house, non stop
Its getting out of control
Finally I can't take no more
He finds a letter on the stairs, saying this is the end
I packed my bag and left with your best friend Oh!

[Chorus]

We stay moving around, solo
Ask us where you at, we don't know
And don't care (don't care)
All we know is we was at home cause you left us there
You got your boys and got gone
And left us all alone

[Chorus]

We're gone forever
We're gone forever

Jia You

Getting on with my life.

Happily.

Lessons learnt.

Brace up.

*SmiLex won't let another guy to hurt me anymore.

dun wan to lose the game with my bro =.="

wanna be the same old brand new wishin...

dun wanna disappoint or hurt any of my loved ones again...

SmiLez for This BeautiFul World..

:)

Nice Songs...

Last time, before i start this new blog, I told myself I won't post lyrics of songs...
But now, I feel like doing so again...
Coz the lyrics of this song is so nice...

信乐团-不会消失的夜晚
作词:晓华
作曲:信乐团

不知道你是否记得昨天
你是我这辈子最思念的人
到如今你已不在身边
你的笑在我心底徘徊

不知道你现在是否寂寞
未来你有你自己的路要走
才明白你已不再承诺
这人生到底带点荒谬

冰封了所有的永远
切不断对你的眷恋
还记得那天你说爱我不变

就算是输了全世界
也想再听你说一遍
我要你永远在我身边

沉睡的人会自由飞翔
在这不会消失的夜晚
任凭一切都化成云烟
对你的思念永远不变

Shin's songs are supposed to be loud, but I find this song quite calmin and smoothing.
The lyrics too, are so meaningful...
What's mine, will be mine.
What's not, will not be..
A person should know what he/she really wants... before setting off again right...?

Jes, i found the singer that you asked me about last time le..

Breathe Again by Juwita Suwito:

Have you wondered how it feels when it's all over
Wondered how it feels when you just have to start anew
Never knowing where you're going
When you face a brand new day
It used to be that way
Now I just close my eyes and say

*I just want to breathe again
Learn to face the joy and pain
Discover how to laugh a little , cry a little Live a little more
I just wanna face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little Try a little more
I’ll breathe again

Starting out again is never easy
Disappointments come and go but life still moves on
With a bit of luck
It's a brand new start
That might just work my way
No need to walk away
Don’t want to live life's replay

Repeat *

Things will work out fine
If you can find the courage to look past the night
To see the break of dawn

Repeat *

+ I used to recommend you this song and you found it peaceful too :) +

**Update**

Didnt know Christine Glass - My Love Will Get You Home is so...touching ..

If you wander off too far, my love will get you home.
If you follow the wrong star, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone, get back on your feet and think of me,
my love will get you home,
boy, my love will get you home.

If the bright lights blind your eyes, my love will get you home.
If your troubles break your stride, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone, get back on your feet and think of me,
my love will get you home,
boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever feel ashamed, my love will get you home.
When there's only you to blame, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone, get back on your feet and think of me,
my love will get you home,
boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone, get back on your feet and think of me,
my love will get you home,
boy, my love will get you home,
boy, my love will get you home.

~* wishin *~
P/S: Let me get myself on track before I continue with this blog.